Donald,
My two cents: After reading your post, my advise to you is this - You are a grown man with responsibilities. No one has the right to tell you how to live your life, whom to forgive and when and how to act with regard to your wife/ex-wife, children or whomever else. It is obvious from your original post that all the elders care about is controlling people. Where was Jesus in all this? Where was his empathy and compassion as shown in the scriptures? IMO it was totally absent.
By their fruits you will know them. These people bind up heavy burdens upon the R&F and then are not willing to lift them with even a finger, as is evident in your request to help move some boxes because you were sick. If you had asked one of your 'worldly' neighbors they probably would have been happy to do so. You should not subject yourself to this controlling cult any longer. They don't care how low you fall, they will not be there to catch or even comfort you. In fact they would take great pleasure in disfellowhipping you and then spreading gossip about how wicked you are. I know, it happened to me. Even children at my kids school knew the twisted story my ex and the elders put out about me but we didn't/don't let that affect us in any way.
Anastasi appears to be completely brainwashed and ignorant of the facts about the organization and its practices, he cannot see the truth about the organization because it hasn't affected him personally. If he/she is a loyal member then he/she will stand with them and defend them no matter what you say. I myself have defended the org. in the past but that was before I left and was exposed to the hypocrisy of this self proclaimed 'true religion'. Nothing anyone could ever do or say would induce me to go back to that.
One love
Tam